I was born in a very religious household. The first thing I learned after the customary abcd,1234, president of India, cm of Bihar etc. , was the Hanuman Chalisa. Nobody made me do it, I had memorized it all just by listening to my grandfather recite it every day. A remarkable event, as my folks declared me a prodigy. I just think it was my inborn hard-on for poetry.
And, that explains all my early fascination for religion. It is just that, a bunch of populist poetry and grand imagery for the juvenile. A collection of shitty stories. Now I write my own. Better ones. I drink the poison of the world, every day, willingly and thus a deity with a blue throat holds no fascination for me. Metaphorically or otherwise.
Religion is the worst idea ever. Right up there with marriage, money and communism. Right up there with shitty poetry. Pop songs. Ghost stories. Religion is just telling kids that monsters are under their bed instead of inside their own head. The biggest dick move of all time. The all enduring ‘father issue’.
Now, every religion is a story. And, every story has a hero. And, every storyteller is trying to put a point across. And, we know it never goes across. Let us take Ramu for example. Ramu wants a president just like Ramu. Ramu is a bigot, who also thinks women are a necessary mistake, and there is no Global Warming. So, Ramu makes Mr. Trump his president. Ramu also reads Bible. And, just like he wants his president to be a Ramu and his children to be a Ramu, he also wants his Jesus to be a Ramu too. Bible or no Bible.
The stupid fucker who told the story first, must have imagined that people will get it. That they would agree on a standard. That they would improve on it. Well, like every storyteller he was living inside his entrails. People only agree with themselves, or those who look exactly like them. And, religion is just that. A bunch of folks laughing at the same stupid dick/cunt joke over and over again. It is the backslapping club. Its books are the ultimate ‘locker room talk.’ Never goes out of style. And, the one person who chooses not to laugh at that joke is a fag. A weirdo. A slut. He is dangerous. She is unbecoming.
I have spent a lot of time studying and examining different religions. I have spent a lot of mornings cleaning the metal figurines of four/ten headed humans and singing songs to them. A lot of breath spent on reciting that blowjob poetry. Millions of neurons sacrificed over faithless dogma. Faithless, yes! Because believing in ghosts with cheap makeup is not faith. One day I just realized that my stories are better. My poetry is real. My dogma is love. My poison is beer. I turn water into sweat and blood and that is real magic. I walk on sea of shit every day and I do not drown. I give birth and I cause death. Of people, of ideas, of miracles. I am the vindicator and I am the punisher. I am the man. A better man every day. With better ideas. With a better body of work. I don’t need no god. A new apple every day, keeps the Gods away.
So eat those bloody apples. Be a better man. You won’t need religion. You won’t need the satisfaction of being mediocre, the sadistic joy of being helpless. You won’t even need a pathetic excuse to commit a murder, to commit any crime. You will be whatever you are. Good, bad, ugly it is all here. In your head. Inside your soul. Embrace it. Just be.
P.S.- Just be; Ironically that is what one of the oldest religions of all says. I won’t tell you which. Figure it out.